i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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