i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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