U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
