I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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