In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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