I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
