I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
