Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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