I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
