dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
