His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
