Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
