Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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