Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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