got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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