Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
