she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Pooping to opera.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
