I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
