oh god the rape fog is back!
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
