dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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