i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
