NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Randomize
