The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
