I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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