so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
