watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
