i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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