arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
