Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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