Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
