to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
