Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
