Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
