Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
