Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Mom said you looked used
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
