dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
