I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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