yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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