the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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