If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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