is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
