the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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