We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
