Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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