Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
