in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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