Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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