In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
