my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
