i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
