i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
