You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
