I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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