Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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