The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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