sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
