You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
